Avoiding the Typical Bad Money Beliefs with Meghan Dwyer - 152

[00:00:00] What if I told you money isn't scary? Well that's just what Meghan Dwyer believes and she's joining me today to talk about avoiding bad money beliefs.

[00:00:09] Welcome to Money Talk with Skyler Fleming, where we go beyond the dollars and cents. Let's get talking.

[00:00:14] Welcome to today's episode of Money Talk with Skyler Fleming. In today's episode we're talking about why it's so common that we're all scared of our money

[00:00:23] and how we can begin to overcome bad money beliefs. There's a lot of great insight from today's episode in Meghan Dwyer, who joins me today is a certified financial planner and host of the Money Isn't Scary Podcast.

[00:00:34] After spending 15 years watching women take a passive role in the management of their money, she's not a mission to help them stop playing small by challenging the societal norms around women and money,

[00:00:43] Meghan aims to empower women to make money decisions out of a sense of abundance and confidence rather than scarcity and fear.

[00:00:50] When Meghan isn't working, she loves running, writing and being a mom to her two young boys.

[00:00:54] Meghan brings a lot of great insights to today's interview, so make sure you're ready to take some notes

[00:00:57] and make sure you're thinking about that key takeaway that you can take from today's episode and have a money talk with someone about it.

[00:01:04] I'd love to hear how you talk about money with those around you as well.

[00:01:07] So please reach out if you have some sort of topic that stands out that you want to talk about, shoot me an email.

[00:01:12] Reach out if you regularly have a money talk because I'd love to gather some ideas on different ways to have money talks.

[00:01:18] The Money Talking Points from today's episode are, what are two to three values you enjoy spending money on?

[00:01:24] And two, do you feel guilty about your spending? With the Money Talking Points in mind, let's get talking.

[00:01:40] Hello and welcome to today's episode and interview on Money Talk with Skylar Fleming.

[00:01:45] Joining me today of Meghan Dwyer, we're here to talk about avoiding typical bad money beliefs,

[00:01:50] some value-based spending things in that area.

[00:01:53] Meghan, thank you so much for joining with you and introduce yourself to everyone.

[00:01:56] Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me.

[00:02:00] So my name is Meghan Dwyer.

[00:02:02] I am a certified financial planner.

[00:02:05] I am a certified money coach.

[00:02:07] I am host of a biom podcast called Money Isn't Scary, which I started almost four years ago now during the pandemic.

[00:02:17] And I really started that as kind of my way of dealing with what all the things I was dealing with at the time.

[00:02:25] I was a had young kids, very young kids at the time and my husband and lost his job and I kind of found myself online shopping as a way to coping strategy as a way to deal with those big feelings.

[00:02:37] And it wasn't really the problem, but it was that guilt and that shame that I felt afterwards that I didn't love and I really wanted to dig into a little bit more.

[00:02:48] So my podcast is really a lot of that. It's my journey, my stories, my insights, the things that I've learned along the way because I know that if,

[00:02:58] I'm not doing this, then there's so many other people out there that are doing it to so I wanted to help other women know that they're not alone.

[00:03:06] Fantastic and that's the fun part about podcasts is we get to share our mistakes so other people don't have to make them so.

[00:03:11] But why why are people typically scared with their money? Your podcast is called Money Isn't Scary and why are people typically scared when it comes to money.

[00:03:21] Yeah, so my work is mostly for women, right? Although many of the principles that I teach and that I talk about are for everyone.

[00:03:29] But women are unique. We've been cultured differently from men and that goes pretty deep like it's passed down through many generations.

[00:03:39] I think there's so much fear around money because it's unfamiliar. Of course, you know, we know what money is but we weren't really taught anything about it.

[00:03:50] We come from a culture where money is just very taboo.

[00:03:54] We don't talk about it even within our own homes. I know that I never talked about it in my house growing out unless it was you know that one day a month that my dad did the bills and we were like say away give dad's base today because he's probably going to be stressed out and grow to you.

[00:04:08] So I kind of got this negative connotation around money and I honestly wanted to avoid it as much as I could.

[00:04:15] I also think that there's some unique.

[00:04:19] There's some unique aspects to women because we live in a culture where we get these messages again that we're not inherently good at money.

[00:04:28] Maybe like men are right, we're taught basically through pop culture and movies and TV shows and all these things.

[00:04:35] I'm thinking of a couple movies in particular that women are just like natural you know, spenders and that if we have money that that's what we're going to do is just immediately blow it on shoes and clothes and things like that and that we basically can't trust it around it.

[00:04:51] So these are just all things that I didn't even question when I was growing out but I just accepted it as truth and I never actually challenged it until fairly recently when I started as I said my great around when I started this podcast and I was kind of going through.

[00:05:06] My own kind of inner challenges.

[00:05:09] Yeah awesome I mean not awesome it sounds like a hard time but awesome that you came to this point where you learned so much and I've had several different women on my podcast to talk about the idea of the differences between men and women when it comes to money and it's.

[00:05:23] It's honestly eye opening when you have those conversations because one of the things that's often brought up is that women just don't ask especially when it comes for like raises and things like that.

[00:05:33] We're not taught to right we're taught to be good little girls and do what we're told and you know have other not question authority right and that can be.

[00:05:42] Scary in challenging in and of itself to step outside of your comfort zone to advocate for yourself.

[00:05:49] Yeah and I wonder if that leads to other fear with money where we where maybe women just feel like they have to do what like you said is shown in movies or taught in.

[00:05:56] Like stories and things like that where it's just that's how women handle money and it's not great that it's just passed down that way.

[00:06:04] And like we it's almost like we naturally step into that role as if that is that because that was the role modeling for us right and and every household is different obviously but.

[00:06:14] And by dad handled the my dad handled the bills my mom kind of was more of the day to day you know shopper but it was still never talked about it was still never like they kind of whispered amongst themselves around it and occasionally there might be some arguments or you know there was some.

[00:06:29] So some conflicts with them around where the money was going but it was never discussed at least in a healthy way with.

[00:06:38] With the kids in the next generation and I want to break that I just I feel like it all starts at home and if we can't have these open honest.

[00:06:51] Real conversations with our families and with our kids around these things then we're just going to continue to perpetuate the cycle.

[00:06:58] Yeah and why do you so badly want to help people overcome those bad beliefs and and help people break through that.

[00:07:05] Because I see how it's holding people back from living the life that they really want and and I've done it myself right like I've let those fears and my lack of knowledge and understanding lead the way with my decisions for like way too long.

[00:07:21] And I think it was fine for a while for me, but I'm hitting a place now in my life I'm 40 now I have two kids and where.

[00:07:32] Whenever I start to make decisions financial decisions whatever they are right I don't.

[00:07:37] I want them to be able to align with my values and who I am and when they don't align that's when things get uncomfortable so or what that's when I start to feel like maybe that shame or guilt.

[00:07:49] And those are think our triggers that we need to pay attention to so I think I just want to see more people in this world.

[00:07:58] Act in behavior out of.

[00:08:02] An genuine.

[00:08:04] Understanding and in caring for who they are and what matters to them in their passions versus just kind of going through the motions and doing what they think they're supposed to do even though that may not really align or feel good for them.

[00:08:16] Yeah, I completely agree when you can kind of move into that point you see the freedom that it can bring you.

[00:08:22] That money can unlock opportunities instead of feeling like this weight that's constantly hanging around this that's a really fun.

[00:08:28] Placed to get to and you talk a lot about helping people get to their passion and maybe that's overcoming some guilty spending and like you like you said is maybe.

[00:08:38] They're spending too much to overcome other feelings but how do we get over that guilty spending and kind of move through that.

[00:08:45] Right because guilt and shame.

[00:08:47] Aren't really helping anyone right they're not positive emotions they're not moving anybody forward they're keeping you stuck and and and feeling.

[00:08:57] Yucky and feeling disempowered right.

[00:09:00] I don't think it's necessarily about like getting over the guilt.

[00:09:04] I think it's about working with the guilt right because guilt is a sign right there that's something is misaligned so when you start to feel that guilt.

[00:09:13] That's a that's a cue right that's something that we need to lean into so here's an example like maybe.

[00:09:19] You know you just spent money on you want away for the weekend on a trip with your friends but maybe you never really wanted to go in the first place right or maybe.

[00:09:30] You it was going to stress you out because maybe you didn't things were tight for you and you didn't have the money or maybe you just didn't really want to go honestly.

[00:09:38] But you went anyway because you felt like it was a thing that you should do.

[00:09:42] Often times we'll feel that you know that that guilt and the guilt around that money that you spent.

[00:09:48] I think it's about more than that I think we honestly it's not just necessarily the money it's.

[00:09:55] It's the fact that you made decisions that were.

[00:10:00] That you that were not aligned with what you really wanted to do and what your true self is right so maybe we just need to get clearer.

[00:10:08] On what is important to you and what our needs are instead of what somebody else is are and maybe we need to get better with boundaries.

[00:10:18] And I think we need to get better honestly with self compassion too that's a huge piece to to working through the guilt.

[00:10:25] Again, I don't think you ever just get over it.

[00:10:27] I think guilt is a it's a it's a trigger and it's a sign and it's leading you towards something that you need to dig into a little bit more.

[00:10:35] Yeah, instead of just being this negative feeling we have to completely eradicate you can almost use it I guess turn it into form of a superpower where you're like oh I'm recognizing.

[00:10:44] Some guilt here what means to change about the situation so I'm not feeling like that.

[00:10:49] Yeah, and I think to you know something that I've really been working with and I talk about this a little bit on the podcast here and there is like.

[00:10:57] I've always been of the mindset that like if there is a problem you give me a problem I will solve that problem right so if you think or you give me like.

[00:11:06] I guess we also live in this culture too where it's oftentimes good vibes only right and if there's something negative or something that doesn't feel good we want to immediately.

[00:11:17] I think about that with my kids like my it's not just downstairs he just he just tripped and kind of like.

[00:11:25] Like stubbed his heel and then any got a little cut down stairs just scraping it so to believe.

[00:11:31] And I immediately just was like okay let's make this go away let me like let's get through it I just want the pain to go away for you right so but you can't you have to learn to sit with that discomfort and see what you can take from it so it's not about getting all the way.

[00:11:46] I'm going to explore it per se it's about it's about working with it and learning from it.

[00:11:53] Yeah and once you do that you'll be able to figure out what what sets that off what do you need to change like he said maybe the guilt isn't that you're spending money on a trip maybe he didn't want to go on the trip in the first place.

[00:12:04] Yeah and if you didn't allow yourself to sit with it and think through it you're never going to recognize that you're going to think money is always the problem and it always will be.

[00:12:12] Right and it's never about the money it isn't like it's always about what's what that money represents to us and was underneath it right.

[00:12:20] And yeah exactly that I think that these are all signed these are all things that we just need to slow down we live in this culture of go go go go go go constantly.

[00:12:30] And we need to allow ourselves that gift of being able to slow down a little bit and check in with ourselves and what are we feeling what are what do we want what do we want to do today.

[00:12:40] What are we how do we want to feel put some intention around it.

[00:12:43] Yeah, I recently got some of my podcasts suggested the idea of money journal where maybe instead of maybe you have tracking or whatever set up in the background but that's not really teaching anything or is if you're more so going through the credit card statement with a journal writing down what you've thought what you.

[00:13:00] Feel from those expenses what you got from it that's a great way to.

[00:13:04] You know, open your eyes to how money is being handled totally because then you learn right and you and if you start to feel and if you go back through those expenses and you're like oh that was.

[00:13:14] I didn't really love that or I bought this whatever this thing that didn't work out for me or something like that you know then then you learn but if on the contrary, you can say oh well I we.

[00:13:28] Stay that this hotel and just throwing something out and I had the best time that's something you remember like feeling to those feelings and say hey that's something okay so that aligns that feels really good to me.

[00:13:38] Let's kind of focus on more of that not saying you can do that all the time or every day or anything like that but it's it's.

[00:13:46] This is practice right this is like a journey so the more that we understand who we are and what our kind of needs and and wants are and what feels good to us the more we can kind of them start begin to incorporate that into our day to day.

[00:14:00] And the last over time you'll start to feel that guilt and shame yeah and we've talked about maybe a little bit of ways that people can find what works for them or use guilt to kind of adjust their money habits but mainly value based spending is what is something you push a lot of people towards and help teach a lot but what is value based spending.

[00:14:19] Yeah so I think I've just alluded to it a lot but simply what now is based spending is a lining where we spend our dollars and how we spend them with what truly matters to us.

[00:14:30] And in order to do this I think first we need to actually determine determine what really matters to us right so we need to do.

[00:14:41] You can just go out there and just literally Google list of values.

[00:14:46] You can you can find list that you know have whatever 50 60 70 different values and you start by just going through and start going you know you're top 10 to 15 and then you go in things that just feel right to you, whatever that is family or health or adventure whatever it is whatever the values are right.

[00:15:05] And then you kind of narrow it down from there.

[00:15:08] And ideally, you get your kind of top like three to five.

[00:15:11] And once you get those, those should sort of be your guiding light.

[00:15:16] No, I'm not going to say, like I just mentioned this,

[00:15:18] we can't use every dollar towards everything that matters to us.

[00:15:22] Right? So sometimes we just have to pay the bills.

[00:15:25] But for all the things that we do have a good amount of control over,

[00:15:28] right, those discretionary dollars,

[00:15:31] this is really a good way to give you some guard rails

[00:15:33] and help you feel good about where those dollars are going.

[00:15:38] Yeah, and people listening are going to be like,

[00:15:40] oh boy, here comes another story about him and his wife going to Disney World.

[00:15:43] But I think that's a line to what you said because my wife and I know we value trips

[00:15:48] you value time together.

[00:15:50] And my work trip was taking me to Tampa, which is close to Orlando.

[00:15:54] So my wife and I both got to go and we said, hey,

[00:15:57] this is this is a once in a lifetime chance where our flights and hotel and everything

[00:16:01] we're paid for, we can splurge the money to go to Disney World

[00:16:05] because when are we going to be here?

[00:16:07] And so that align with our values.

[00:16:08] We had the money in the background too already,

[00:16:10] like set up through some strategic savings and then we can just pull the trigger

[00:16:15] and go for it.

[00:16:16] So I think once you figure out those values,

[00:16:18] you're going to notice how opportunities where you can make your money,

[00:16:21] just kind of do what you want and then you're able to hit those values really well.

[00:16:26] Yeah.

[00:16:26] Yeah, I was just going to add to that, right?

[00:16:29] Like the, I like bucketing.

[00:16:32] Yeah, that's exactly what got us there is like seeking funds and buckets.

[00:16:36] Yeah, yeah.

[00:16:37] So you know, like it, I think a good place to start a start with this is going back

[00:16:43] and looking at that spending, looking at your statements, looking at those transactions

[00:16:46] and kind of tracking where that those discretionary dollars have been going

[00:16:53] and kind of come up with a percentage or just say, hey, out of those discretionary dollars,

[00:16:59] what how much of that aligns with what my values really are, right?

[00:17:05] And I use the example in my podcast a lot with spending, like, I like to run.

[00:17:12] So spending money on a new pair of sneakers is completely aligned for me.

[00:17:17] But if I were to go spend money on a bunch of like, I heal shoes to go out, like,

[00:17:21] I don't do that all that often.

[00:17:23] And I don't really care, frankly.

[00:17:25] But yet, sometimes you get caught up in the heat of the moment and maybe you do,

[00:17:28] but that would be an example of something that I, that does not align for me.

[00:17:32] Like, I'm not going to wear those, I might wear those once a year or something, right?

[00:17:37] Versus like the sneakers that are all where a couple times a week and I will use

[00:17:41] and that will be really valuable to me and my data die.

[00:17:47] Yeah, I think that's a great exercise for people to maybe even print out their statement,

[00:17:51] go through it, put an X next to the ones that you know don't align.

[00:17:54] You're like, that one just doesn't feel like valuable.

[00:17:56] But then you see that one where you're like, yeah, this one I would make a hundred times out of

[00:17:59] a hundred because this was a fun experience or whatever.

[00:18:02] That's a great way to get started.

[00:18:04] Do you have any maybe what's another small step someone can take today to move

[00:18:08] towards value based spending?

[00:18:10] Yeah, so I think, you know, like, I just said kind of doing that internal work,

[00:18:14] right, getting an understanding of what matters to you and start to put money into buckets,

[00:18:19] like we just said towards that goal.

[00:18:22] So if you love to travel, I'm sure this is exactly what you did.

[00:18:26] You can't do that every day, right?

[00:18:27] But you can set up today an automatic transfer to have $10 or $15 a week,

[00:18:35] whatever or a month or whatever it is, go into an account towards that goal so that when

[00:18:39] you end up booking that trick, just like you said you did, right?

[00:18:43] Now you have some funds already set aside for it instead of worrying how you're going to pay

[00:18:46] for it when it comes up because I know that happens with me all the time.

[00:18:49] We like to go up my older son is eight now,

[00:18:53] and he's obsessed with Legos.

[00:18:55] And we live in Massachusetts so we will drive to Lego Land in New York.

[00:19:00] And it is expensive.

[00:19:03] When it first opened, there was like, I don't even know,

[00:19:07] it was probably like maybe even $1,000 to stay at the hotel for a night or something like that.

[00:19:12] The actual park is very, very cheap, but the hotel is what gets you.

[00:19:16] Now it's a little bit less, but but I remember the first time that we looked at this and

[00:19:23] looked at going, he was so excited to go and we're like, oh my god, that's so expensive.

[00:19:27] How are we going to do this? Put on the credit card.

[00:19:29] I don't know. Thank you.

[00:19:30] You're out, right? And that plan just doesn't align.

[00:19:35] Like, there's no plan. That's just a reaction.

[00:19:39] So now I know we like to go, we like to go to Lego Land if we can do it.

[00:19:44] You know, once a year or once every other year or something like that,

[00:19:49] I'm going to save money towards that because that's important to us.

[00:19:54] And I think, you know, once you have those dollars set aside,

[00:19:58] then you don't have to worry about it as much, right? Because first of all, money is going to be spent on

[00:20:03] something no matter what, right? So we might as well be intentional about the one and the how

[00:20:07] that we spend our money.

[00:20:09] Yeah, that's a fantastic quote right there. Money's going to be spent no matter what.

[00:20:13] So make sure you figure out where you actually want to spend it so that you're in control of it.

[00:20:18] Fantastic, that's a great, that's an awesome place to leave that conversation about some value

[00:20:22] based spending is make sure you're spending it in the way that you really want to.

[00:20:26] But I think also people might be dealing with limiting beliefs we talked about in the beginning

[00:20:31] how sometimes women don't ask for raises because that's just the way it's taught or they don't

[00:20:36] want to stir the pot or things like that. How can someone begin to have a money talk?

[00:20:42] Maybe they're feeling a limiting belief. Oh, I can't save money. My family's never saved

[00:20:46] money. My family's never been good with money. How can people begin to have conversations to overcome

[00:20:51] things like that? Yeah, so I think it all starts internally, right? Like you have to be able to

[00:20:57] to have the guts, right? If you will, the bravery to even start questions, right? So but

[00:21:07] so where does that come from that comes from curiosity within ourselves? Right? So first we need to

[00:21:11] start by figuring out or working with ourselves and saying, okay, what might be holding me back?

[00:21:21] What where do I want to get to and kind of backing into it from there? And I honestly think that

[00:21:29] starting these money conversations can be intimidating and the way to do it is to start with

[00:21:35] somebody who is safe for you. You're not just going to go all of the sudden go talk to

[00:21:41] a neighbor or somebody who you don't feel like you can get the response that you're looking for,

[00:21:48] right? Or that or maybe the the authenticity or the compassion that you're looking for. Right? So

[00:21:54] I think once you kind of understand yourself a little bit more, you've gotten curious, you know what

[00:22:01] you want to ask, then it should start asking. So I think, you know, it could be a family member,

[00:22:07] could be a friend, again somebody who's safe, a financial expert and honestly throw this out

[00:22:14] to everybody too. If you can't think of anybody in your life, reach out to me. I this is what I

[00:22:19] love to do. I love to talk to people about money in any capacity, right? So don't hesitate if you

[00:22:25] need somebody but you need to find somebody who was going to make you feel comfortable and not

[00:22:30] feel stupid because if that if that happens then you're gonna just shut down and you're not going

[00:22:36] to want to engage in these conversations again. So it's really important to be empowered enough

[00:22:44] to advocate for yourself, to get curious and to ask good questions. Yeah, and I love the one of

[00:22:49] reach out to you, reach out to me. There are so many podcast host creators that I mean and the

[00:22:54] many that I've talked to, I can't think of one that would be mean to you like we're all going

[00:22:59] to want to answer your questions. So if you really can't find anybody, there's so many people online

[00:23:03] who would be happy to email you about it. If you're open to it, come on their podcast. There's

[00:23:09] a lot of great people out there that'll talk to you about money. So I love the idea of

[00:23:14] working through it with yourself and then just start asking. I've had people who have been

[00:23:18] who've listened to my podcast before that just sent me a message on Instagram or whatever it is.

[00:23:25] And we've just gone on a call and just talked for 45 minutes an hour and that's my favorite

[00:23:31] thing to do. It's just connect with people individually and it doesn't have to be, it's not

[00:23:35] me giving financial advice. It's just creating a safe space for somebody to share what's going on

[00:23:41] in their wealth because maybe they don't have that safe space or they don't feel like they have

[00:23:44] that safe space around them. I mean, they're immediate surroundings, right? So this is such a money

[00:23:53] can be so intimidating and it's important to find the right people to talk about it, but it's

[00:24:00] important to talk about it because it's so empowering and all we're doing is again, like keeping

[00:24:05] ourselves stuck or keeping ourselves small if we don't, right? So we need to be able to

[00:24:15] create that bravery within our self-establishing, to advocate for ourselves and what we need and what we

[00:24:19] want. Yeah, I think the other, the other warning to everyone who's maybe just about to start talking

[00:24:24] about it for the first time is you're probably going to cry. Money's such a heavy, like

[00:24:29] emotion-filled thing especially when you first start opening up about it so don't get,

[00:24:34] don't feel guilt or worried about crying about money because I don't know the step but it's

[00:24:39] definitely over half of people have cried about money or something like that. It's a very high number.

[00:24:44] Yeah, it at money is so emotional and I don't think we realize it because again, our culture

[00:24:50] kind of separates out. So I'm a financial planner, I've been a financial services industry for

[00:24:55] 18 years and it's a very male-dominated field and I feel like the perception of it is that it is

[00:25:02] just at all business. It's all numbers and that's what it is and it's not. And when you sit down

[00:25:09] and you're working with families and couples and individuals, you recognize especially with

[00:25:14] them and you recognize how much more meaningful their money is. It's not just about tax savings,

[00:25:21] it's not just about, you know, it's a Roth IRA is or whatever it's about so much more than that.

[00:25:29] It's in it runs deep so I think again, we need to recognize and have some compassion for not only

[00:25:36] ourselves but for everyone else out there because everyone's dealing with something. Yeah,

[00:25:44] the things I like to say is if it was just math, we'd have it all figured out. It would be money

[00:25:48] would be easy if it was just math. We have super computers that would be able to figure out

[00:25:53] the optimal way to do everything but that's just not how it works so we have to be understanding

[00:25:59] of the emotion. Right, which is, you know, the benefit of working with a, if you work with an

[00:26:06] advisor, I think that's the benefit of working with a in-person versus like a robot advisor or something

[00:26:13] because you get that connection, you get that, that emotional piece or the compassionate piece.

[00:26:22] And if you're working with somebody typically it's not their first rodeo, right? Like they've

[00:26:28] been through this more and they can, they can share our experiences that help you feel less alone.

[00:26:32] I think that's a huge piece to this too. When we're struggling sometimes,

[00:26:37] we feel like we're the only one going through what we're going through at that moment.

[00:26:41] And then you kind of, once you kind of take a step back and broaden your horizons and

[00:26:46] your experience, you kind of recognize like oh yeah, I'm not alone. I had um,

[00:26:51] I talked about self-compassional a lot because I think it's so foundational for this work but

[00:26:57] I had on my podcast the pioneer in self-compassion research, Dr. Kristen Navh on my show

[00:27:02] and Dr. Nav talked about the three components of self-compassion. It's kindness, mindfulness,

[00:27:09] and common humanity. And common humanity is in my mind the biggest piece. It's exactly that.

[00:27:16] It's just knowing that you are not alone. We are human, everything that you're feeling,

[00:27:21] somebody else has felt before. And it's the biggest piece is being vulnerable enough to share it.

[00:27:29] And then this kind of also gets into like Brune Brown and this whole idea about like

[00:27:33] vulnerability and shame. And if you keep shame contained, then it just festers and creates more shame.

[00:27:40] But if you keep shame out in the open, it has nowhere to go. It has nowhere to for at to live and

[00:27:45] survive so it kind of just dissipates and goes away. So I think vulnerability is knowing

[00:27:50] you're not alone and also sharing your experiences is huge. And that was really like the press

[00:27:54] up as for me starting the podcast and sharing my journey. Fantastic. I hope everyone listening

[00:28:00] is feeling inspired that they're like, wow, I've had this question deep inside for months. And

[00:28:04] I'm finally going to go talk about it. They're going to reach out to one of the two of us and

[00:28:08] ask some questions and get their money talk started. But Megan, this has been a fantastic episode.

[00:28:13] I've talked about a lot in a lot of ways that people can get beyond the emotion and the

[00:28:18] math of money and really understand it on a values level. But two final questions here,

[00:28:23] one is going to be how can people find you online or reach out to you? And then the last one

[00:28:26] to give you a second to think about it is what's one thing you wish you would have known sooner

[00:28:30] when it comes to money. But first I can people find you. Okay, yes. So you can check out my website

[00:28:35] as pretty simple. It's just money isn't scary.com. And if you're interested, I said I

[00:28:40] has a certified money coach. So I now work one on one with individuals to be able to do this exact

[00:28:48] work. Go back through understand your money story, your money history and help you kind of create

[00:28:54] those or create awareness around those unconscious patterns that you have. So so that we can

[00:29:00] kind of get you to where you want to be, right? Instead of feeling stuck where you are now.

[00:29:04] So if you want to work one on one, or you're interested in chatting more, just go check out

[00:29:08] go to the website and you can get in contact with me there. And I'm also out there on social media.

[00:29:14] I'd say I'm most active these days on Instagram just at money isn't scary.

[00:29:18] Awesome. Fantastic. Those are some great places to find you reach out if you have any questions

[00:29:22] of course. But Megan, what is one thing that you could tell yourself 20 years ago or so?

[00:29:27] What's one thing you wish you had an unsoonyr about money?

[00:29:31] Yeah. And I think we talked about this as well but that this idea that it's not about the numbers.

[00:29:39] It's never about the numbers. It's way more than that. It's the feeling that it brings us. Right?

[00:29:48] It's say we want something so badly this object. And we save up money for it.

[00:29:54] Right? It's not the actual thing that we want. It's the feeling that we get from having that

[00:30:00] thing. Whatever adventure, luxury, safety, freedom, whatever it is. There are so many

[00:30:05] ideas or so many things that we're craving. That amount that we've saved in our bank account,

[00:30:10] right? Like it's not necessarily the amount or that the dollars. It's just a number which actually

[00:30:16] means nothing in and of itself but is what that number represents to us, that matters.

[00:30:22] It may be its status or again safety freedom, that kind of thing. So that's what I've learned

[00:30:27] through this journey that it's not about the money it's about what the money means to us.

[00:30:32] Wow. Yeah. That's an eye opening. I might drop moment to leave it on. So Megan, thank you so much

[00:30:37] for joining. This has been a great conversation and I appreciate coming on. Thank you so much for

[00:30:42] having me. This has done so fun. What a fantastic interview. Thank you so much to Megan for coming

[00:30:56] on today's episode. And that was a great conversation and I'm sure you took something away from

[00:31:00] it. So thank you to Megan for joining. But today in the money talking points, let's start with the

[00:31:04] first one. What are two to three values that you enjoy spending your money on? Well for me,

[00:31:09] two of the top ones that come to my mind are recreation and computer tech. Recreation in terms of

[00:31:14] paying that admission fee to go to a national park. That is an easy 100% doesn't bother me at

[00:31:20] all fun times spending money. And computer technology is also another area that I like spending

[00:31:25] money, whether it's automation, smart home stuff. I love that realm. So I will easily save up some

[00:31:31] money and then throw 200 dollars at some smart home tech because that's fun and exciting for me.

[00:31:36] And I have no problems spending money there because since I know it's one of my values,

[00:31:40] it's totally possible to align our savings goals with that in mind and then I'm able to spend

[00:31:46] freely on the things that I value. So how do you identify your values? I think that's a key thing

[00:31:51] to be thinking about with this money talking point is how do you find your values? Well,

[00:31:55] simply Google list of values and start down that rabbit hole. Once you start down that rabbit hole,

[00:32:00] you're definitely going to be able to identify a few probably pretty quickly that click with you.

[00:32:05] You're going to be able to say, yeah, that one stands out to me. I really want to make sure I'm

[00:32:09] in that way right there. And then see what spending you're already doing fits into that

[00:32:14] category because I guarantee there's something there. I guarantee you're already spending some of

[00:32:19] your money in a way that aligns with your values. So think about that. Figure out ways that are

[00:32:23] already aligning with your values and then stick to those because those are going to be the things

[00:32:26] that really bring you kind of a lot of joy in your spending. And then cut out kind of ruthlessly

[00:32:32] the things that do not align with those values so you can spend more money in the ways that truly

[00:32:37] align with the ways that bring you happiness and joy and bring you value. But let's talk about

[00:32:42] the second money talking point. Do you feel guilty about your spending? The answer to this one is

[00:32:47] probably yes from time to time. I know for me it's yes from time to time we just moved my wife and

[00:32:52] I just moved and we bought a new couch, we got a bigger place and I was honestly feeling pretty

[00:32:58] trepidacious about the money we were spending. I was worried about how much we were spending,

[00:33:02] how quickly we were spending some money that we got and I found myself worried about. I felt

[00:33:07] myself feeling guilty about spending money on a new couch, things like that. So what do you do when

[00:33:12] you feel guilty about things like that? Well you got to take a step back and be okay with it.

[00:33:19] Give yourself some compassion, understand where the spending is coming from and realize that

[00:33:23] that's a moment for change. For me this was a moment to discuss with my wife what that change

[00:33:29] might have been or why I was feeling this way or being open and having a money talk about what

[00:33:34] is feeling. So be open when you start feeling guilty about spending it's a great chance to recognize

[00:33:40] the need for some change and then go out and make that change. Implement the different things

[00:33:45] that you need to see, change in your life so you can avoid feeling guilty because it's not

[00:33:49] something we all want to feel. We want to feel valued in our spending and we want to feel like

[00:33:53] our spending is worth it. Remember guilt is a sign that something needs to change whether it's just

[00:33:57] simply having a money talk with a spouse or it's completely changing how you're spending money.

[00:34:02] Use that guilt to recognize an opportunity to take small steps to do better with your money today.

[00:34:07] But that does it for today's episode. Thanks again to Megan Dwyer for coming on

[00:34:11] today's interview. Let's wrap it all up next.

[00:34:23] Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. I really do appreciate it and thank you

[00:34:27] so much for coming on today's interview. And I think aligning your values with your spending is

[00:34:32] going to prove worthwhile for anyone listening to this and anyone you share this with and have a

[00:34:41] you bring me a lot of fulfillment like enjoying nature and national parks. Enjoying the outdoors

[00:34:45] with my wife because we both have a nice paddleboard or something or a nice e-bike. It makes it a lot

[00:34:49] easier to save for but it also makes it a lot easier to spend when you look at those hefty

[00:34:55] price tags and know that it's going to bring you values so make sure you're aligning those values

[00:34:58] with your spending so that your spending can truly be worthwhile. So what bad money belief do you

[00:35:04] have right now in your mind that you're going to work towards overcoming after today's episode?

[00:35:07] I'd love to chat about it with you. Shoot me an email. Let's have a quick conversation about how

[00:35:12] you can take some small steps today to figure out how to get past that bad money belief that's

[00:35:17] holding you back. Take a small step towards and then keep working forward. But thank you all for

[00:35:21] listening. We just passed three years and we're still going strong. Please share this episode

[00:35:26] with a friend and leave a five star of you on your way out of your podcast player so that we can

[00:35:31] continue to grow and share the good news of talking about money. But thank you for listening

[00:35:35] to Money Talk with Scatter Flaming. Have your house Scatter Flaming? Have a great week.

[00:35:39] Thank you for listening to Money Talk with Skyler Flaming. This show is provided for

[00:35:43] information and entertainment purposes and may not be specific to your unique situation.

[00:35:49] Please be sure to do additional research before making any financial decisions.