Navigating Emotions in Our Money Talks with Bob Wheeler - 124

[00:00:00] There was just a lot of shame in knowing that I was doing something that they're self sabotaging, but not knowing quite how to set the boundary. Welcome to Money Talk with Skyler Fleming. Making sense of your money, one money talk at a time. Let's get talking. In today's episode we have a fantastic and insightful journey with our guest Bob Wheeler. We dive right into the conversation that many tend to shy away from money. It's a really insightful conversation you're going to learn a whole lot. We're going to unravel the emotional layers

[00:00:30] behind our money stories, the importance of open dialogue and we're going to take the steps to redefine our money story. In our interview and discussion, we delve into the significance of discussing money, navigating financial stories through difficult conversations and how often our money talks have emotional aspects to them. And how do we get to understand the feelings that come when we receive a large sum of money or maybe we're spending our money in a way we know isn't right. There's a lot of emotion that we talk about because there's so much more than just math

[00:01:00] when it comes to our finances. And Bob shares a great story towards the end of our interview so make sure you stick around. It's definitely going to help shift your mindset when you think about how people act with their money. And maybe it's going to resonate directly with you or with someone you know and make sure to share this episode with them if someone pops into your mind. Make sure to have a money talk about today's episode.

[00:01:20] It's a great episode about setting boundaries, preparing financial conversations and understanding your money story through self reflection. The money talking points for today's episode are how can you start a pressure free money talk while seeking input and help from other people and to have you considered exploring the emotional side of your financial decisions such as understanding how money makes you feel and the motivation behind your purchases.

[00:01:43] And number three, whether you're married or not are you prepared to discuss money openly set boundaries or have a money buddy to help support you in important financial matters. If not go find a money buddy and have a money talk about today's money talking points but with those money talking points in mind let's get right into today's episode.

[00:02:02] Hello and welcome to today's interview on money talk with Skyler Fleming. I'm joined today by Bob Wheeler and I'm excited for this interview because I've heard Bob on other podcasts, particularly stacking Benjamin's so I'm really excited for this conversation but Bob would you go ahead and introduce yourself for everyone.

[00:02:24] Absolutely. I'm Bob Wheeler, I'm a CPA, I'm the CFO of the World Finance Comedy Store in Hollywood and I've written a couple books and I have a podcast called Money You Should Ask because money and emotions seem to go hand in hand.

[00:02:42] Yeah, they definitely do it. It's always it's always the saying that money is more than just math. I like to say if it was there's just math we'd have it figured out we wouldn't have to talk about it. We would just we would just know so it would be a whole lot easier.

[00:02:53] It was just math which is going to jump us right into our first really good question is why is it important to talk about money you mentioned emotion but why should we actually be talking about it?

[00:03:04] Well the thing is we all have a different story. We all have a different experience and so if we're not having conversations and making sure we're on the same page or at least I can understand where you're coming from, we might be making a whole lot of assumptions what you think is rich I might think is poor.

[00:03:21] What you think is extravagant is I might think of as necessity and so if we can start trying to find some common ground but also just understanding that we all had different experiences some of us had financial trauma some of us had financial ease and so we're not all starting from the same place.

[00:03:41] Yeah and if we're not talking about it how are we going to know where other people are starting from you might see someone who looks incredibly rich but maybe they're not so there's like he said a lot of assumptions being made there.

[00:03:53] How do we maybe take the assumptions out of it and ask those questions like how do you even start a conversation?

[00:04:00] Yeah so for me starting that conversation it might even sound something like wow I'm really uncomfortable talking about money and I'm not sure what to do right and just naming it to sort of release the tension of oh I have to present well I have to sound intelligent I've known about numbers since I was three right and to just be able to say look this is not a topic I'm comfortable with.

[00:04:25] I'm learning and what is your idea of rich? What is your idea of frugal do you budget why don't you budget.

[00:04:35] I like to spend on my credit cards do you like to spend and try not to make it a judgment place but really trying to be a place of curiosity oh I didn't know that about you well this is something about me my parents grew up really poor or I grew up with a lot of wealth and I had servants.

[00:04:54] Just to start getting information and again not making it a judgment but just a really a great place of curiosity.

[00:05:04] Yeah I love the idea of make it of curiosity don't come in and say like it's going to be a bad idea if you just jump the gun and say I think you're spending too much money and you're probably in debt right they're going to immediately get defensive to make sure you're being curious.

[00:05:18] Absolutely and I think it's important that if you're talking with somebody where there might be some tension and I know we'll maybe jump in this a little bit later but if you're talking with a business partner spouse from somewhere where there might be some triggers set up some ground rules look if I get too overwhelmed I need to stop and take a breath or walk around the block or pick the conversation up in 30 minutes or this is overwhelming set some ground rules so that you can actually go in and have a conversation that's meaningful.

[00:05:48] Yeah and that honestly plays right into our next question of about emotion but like you said set the ground rules and say I'm feeling more emotion than I am logic around this conversation and that's a good point to take a step back and take a deep breath like you said but how is finances more emotional than it is math.

[00:06:08] Well it would be great if it was just two plus two is four and that's that yeah but the question is how do we feel about that right it may not be enough it may be too much I may not be deserving and so what happens is when we're making purchases maybe we're doing it to feed our ego maybe we're doing it to impress other people maybe we're doing it out of scarcity and so we're making decisions every day do I take my lunch do I buy my lunch

[00:06:36] when people ask if I want to go out have a drink maybe I don't drink and I don't want to tell them or maybe I can't afford to go drink or maybe I think everybody's going to make me pay for it and I don't want to pay this time but I don't want to tell anybody right.

[00:06:49] So if people are in relationship and I'm going out and spending all the money that my spouse is made and I'm not telling them and then they're getting a credit card bill or they're watching money disappear out of the bank account there's probably going to be a much more intense conversation if I'm not having conversations so it's important to start to understand oh if I receive a large amount of money I feel very guilty or I feel very great or I'm thinking everybody's coming to get me

[00:07:18] or I have to learn to set boundaries and have difficult conversations and so it's very emotional because we don't want to say no, we want to be included, we want to look like we can live beyond our means

[00:07:32] and so there's all these stories going on behind the scenes in addition to that 2 plus 2 is 4.

[00:07:39] Yeah and I love that exercise of saying how do you feel when money comes into your life?

[00:07:44] Like it's kind of the what would you do if you won the lottery sort of thing is your first thought to hire security and make sure you're under lockdown or is it to give back to your family or community or something.

[00:07:55] I think that's a really interesting exercise there.

[00:07:58] Well you know when I do have clients receive a large windfall whether it's an inheritance a lawsuit whatever it might be they'll call me up and they're like oh I just got 500,000

[00:08:10] I just got to and the first thing I'll say is see if you can just leave that in the bank for 30 days.

[00:08:16] What?

[00:08:17] Yeah just leave it in the bank for 30 days you didn't have it before.

[00:08:20] Yeah can you just let it sit there for 30 days?

[00:08:23] Well that is very difficult for a lot of people to let we can't get out of our bank accounts fast enough for a lot of people.

[00:08:32] Yeah, yeah that's very interesting because I've heard that idea before it's like you come into that inheritance when you're grieving and then you're spending it up like

[00:08:40] there's a whole lot of motions that changes your financial decisions and yeah which is our next question I love how tied in all this is with emotions.

[00:08:48] How does how does emotion impact your financial decision making because obviously you get that large summer money and maybe you have a very specific goal that would be great towards but suddenly find yourself broke and all the money's gone.

[00:09:00] How does that emotion impact those decisions?

[00:09:02] Well you know if you've got a story that I'm not deserving or a story that everybody else deserves to get ahead or there's people more deserving than I am or what will people say.

[00:09:14] All of those things are going to impact your decision making because if I think my neighbors judging me or I go to church and people might be talking about me doesn't he think he's up to because he's got a fancy car.

[00:09:27] Right all these things that if I'm not grounded in who I am I might start worrying about how am I presenting what are people saying you know I had a client received about a million dollars from a settlement for her husband's passing and she felt so guilty she just gave it to the church because she's like I just can't be responsible for this.

[00:09:49] And that would have set up for life but she was more overwhelmed about the thought of having to be responsible.

[00:09:55] And so that decision making comes in when I don't know what to do.

[00:10:00] I'm not sure who to ask.

[00:10:02] I don't know who to trust and we just start creating these stories of whether I deserve it or I'm presenting things like that.

[00:10:10] Yeah and I've often heard money is going to money is going to amplify you in whatever way you act and do you think that's a do you think that's applicable with our decision making?

[00:10:20] Is just going to make it bigger?

[00:10:21] Yeah absolutely it really does it's because inherently who we are until we actually get to know ourselves.

[00:10:28] Unconsciously that's going to come up now if you've been doing the personal work and you're looking at things and you've got a support group that can help hold the space while you figure things out.

[00:10:38] You're and you're more intentional and more conscious about what you're doing certainly you'll be able to catch those things but most of us are working unconsciously.

[00:10:47] And so it's just going to amplify we're going to be more panicked we're going to feel more gratitude or we're going to feel more what are they saying?

[00:10:57] Yeah that's very interesting and like you said if you're really in the weeds of it and doing the work regularly you'll probably be okay but you're still going to feel it.

[00:11:05] You're still feel it you're just going to know it you're just going to know what it is.

[00:11:09] Right I guess let's talk a little bit about how do we do that work and one of those things that I think is important is talking about money.

[00:11:16] And you've mentioned a spousal couple times married or not do you think it's important to talk about money?

[00:11:22] It absolutely is because whether it's your co-workers whether it's your business partner whether if you're single parent whether you're talking to your own parents about them needing to move into assisted living.

[00:11:35] These are kinds of things that a lot of us have been comfortable with because if we talk about it then it might come true.

[00:11:42] Yeah or if we start talking about things that might mean eventually we will die which we will anyway so you know spoiler alert and it's important to just learn to have these conversations where you can say to your friends yeah I can't go out tonight that's not in my budget.

[00:12:04] Or I know everybody else likes to spend $300 on every other co-worker.

[00:12:09] I can't do that this year or here's what I can do and learning to have these conversations and set boundaries and not take yourself out it's so important because so many of us are running around with financial shame and we're thinking we're the only ones.

[00:12:25] So the more we could talk about it the more we can normalize conversations around money.

[00:12:30] Yeah and how beneficial do you think it is for someone to go into those conversations prepared so say like you said you don't want to spend $100 to $300 on every single co-worker for their birthdays.

[00:12:41] How do you how do you go into that conversation?

[00:12:45] Well I think it's important to start like if you know you're going to the office tomorrow and everybody's going to be talking about what we're going to spend for the holiday party gift wise sort of figure out what works for you

[00:12:56] and then figure out where you're willing to compromise or if you're not willing to compromise right just start there.

[00:13:02] And don't feel like you have to apologize for it right oh I'm so sorry I don't know as much money as everybody look this is my situation I've assessed it I'm okay with it and this is what I can do

[00:13:14] and I think a lot of us just aren't comfortable with actually checking in with what's true for us what's our true financial situation.

[00:13:21] And so I do think it's important to be comfortable with yeah I'm going to have to draw a hard line with this or when I used to

[00:13:30] and this is a great treat for anybody married or not married you know somebody's like pressure you need to spend money

[00:13:37] oh I got to talk to my spouse oh I got to talk to my parents oh I got to talk to my business partner you've just created a buffer because nobody's oh yeah you have to talk to your wife oh yeah talk to your business partner

[00:13:50] talk to your kids and that gives you a chance to sort of think about okay how do I want to deal with this and not feel obligated to react most of us are reacting instead of responding

[00:14:01] and so we want to get to a place where huh let me think about it versus oh what should I say well would you write a lot of us get into that chaotic panic.

[00:14:13] Yeah there was a term I heard on a couple podcast interviews ago on my show where he brought up this term money buddy like a gym buddy but your money buddy

[00:14:22] and if you're not married say I got let me go ask my money buddy and then they're gonna be like what in the world's a money buddy and then you can have a financial conversation there but I really like that term

[00:14:31] have someone that you can stay accountable with reflect your goals to and maybe run those things by them and maybe get there inside I think that's really beneficial.

[00:14:39] Absolutely and I love money buddies I think we all could use a little support and so to have somebody reflect back hold us accountable is so important.

[00:14:49] And it's also especially important with the spouse because financial issues can be a very big deal in a marriage.

[00:14:55] Why is it like extra important to talk about money in a marriage?

[00:14:59] Well because you're in a relationship with somebody else and your life savings could depend on that communication.

[00:15:08] You know there is a significant amount of financial infidelity and where that is you know I'm not gonna tell my spouse about my spending.

[00:15:20] I'm gonna I mean I have a secret bank account that I get to do what I want but they don't get to do what they want right it's about power it's about control it's about transparency

[00:15:31] and I find that if you're lying about your money with your spouse or your significant other there may be other areas of your life where you're also embellishing the truth.

[00:15:43] Yeah it bleeds over very easily once you get into you start walking in those murky waters and then suddenly everything is blowing up and you're like how did this all start and maybe it was just because you didn't mention that one 50 dollar purchase that you really wanted and that's that's the hard truth but you need to you need to set those boundaries too

[00:16:00] like you said about setting boundaries with your work and things like that having boundaries in your relationship to help to make talking about that easier is huge.

[00:16:08] Yeah and you know it's interesting I do a lot of couples counseling around money and it might be as simple as once one partner once they get fancy restaurants and the other person thinks that's so crazy

[00:16:23] Oh hey by the way I already told Jim and Mary and Tom that we're joining them you know at the fancy sushi place but you didn't even ask me you just make and so there's this place where people are making decisions without checking in with the other one which still has impact right if we're saving for a house and I'm out spending money 300 dollars a night on meals that's money not going into our house fund

[00:16:50] and so if I'm not having these conversations like why are you getting mad at me I just wanted to go have a nice you don't like my friends right then I'm going to try and shake like the more we can have these conversations well I really felt like we need to do this work yes I need to be more mindful I probably need to tell my friends we're saving for a house we're just going to do burgers.

[00:17:09] Yeah we're going to invite you over and grill some cheap Walmart meat or something like that exactly it's a simple and I think the thing that stood out for me right there as you mentioned all those potentials

[00:17:19] decisions but not once did you like in your hypothetical conversations mentioned money and that's because money money touches so many different aspects it does you're not necessarily saying you're saying oh I didn't want to go to dinner there because it's going to cost us so much you just there's so many other little things that come into play with money

[00:17:36] absolutely whether it's buying school clothes for the fall whether it's closed that I wear to work whether it's am I going to take a vacation am I going to take a cheap vacation because I don't want to spend money going over abroad or what are the so hundreds of hundreds of financial decisions made every day every hour.

[00:17:57] Yeah and you may never mention money once but they're in the back of your mind that emotion about your financial situation is influencing your decisions it's a huge deal once you're aware of it you realize how much money impacts everything we do it's kind of crazy.

[00:18:12] It is it is so we're sitting here talking about money you and I we know money we've learned about it for a long time just given our conversation how did you learn about money where did you get started with it.

[00:18:23] So I was terrible with money my parents got married when they were super young and knew nothing they were children raising children.

[00:18:32] They didn't know anything about money they landed on their feet when they did and then they fell when they fell and so we weren't really taught about it and I just knew that that was an issue for me not being able to control whether I could go on a high school field trip because I did or didn't have money not being able to control those things

[00:18:52] and so fortunately for me when I got into a county sprinter mind said you would do all the county and I took a county and I got straight A's and I thought oh this is so easy.

[00:19:01] So the the practical pieces of accounting and money came very easy to me my own story about how I grew up and what my parents did and my grandparents was story that I actually had to work through and let go of and say that's not serving me anymore.

[00:19:21] So I had to do a lot of personal work and even as I built my CBA practice I joke because the first four or five years I thought nobody's going to come back next year.

[00:19:30] And then I get all my clients back plus a few more and then I go nobody's going to come back this year right I just I didn't trust myself and I was always fascinated with money because I could see that money meant freedom event I could be generous it meant I could control more my destiny

[00:19:50] than if I didn't have any understanding of money.

[00:19:54] Yeah and you said you had to work through that yourself I'm sure there was difficult things that came up throughout that how do you have those difficult financial conversations?

[00:20:03] Well, you know I'll share one that was actually was really hard one of the biggest things when my parents got divorced and I'm not going to put this on my mom I'm going to put this on me in how I heard it right

[00:20:18] my mom jokingly or seriously said now that your father's gone you're going to have to be really successful so your siblings and I can have the life we deserve.

[00:20:28] And I have four other siblings and I thought well I'll be darn if I'm going to pay for everybody else's lifestyle I didn't buy into that right

[00:20:36] and so for a few years I would make sure that I was broke so that when my mom asked me for money I could say I'm broke because I was a terrible liar.

[00:20:46] So I broke I don't have any money I'll just sabotage it wasn't until I realized I had to sit down and say you know what mom love you dearly your financial situation is your financial situation

[00:20:59] and you're going to have to figure out whether you want to continue to be in it or not but I'm not responsible for everybody else if I can help you when I can I will do it

[00:21:11] and if I can't I'm actually going to take care of myself first and I'm actually okay with that and that was a very difficult conversation because I felt very guilty.

[00:21:19] Once I was able to say I'm going to advocate for myself and when I can be generous I will but it's not going to be dictated to me how I have to do it

[00:21:29] that was a really big piece and it was not a fun conversation but it was a necessary conversation.

[00:21:35] Wow yeah that's a big one because like you said you're a bad liar so you had to truly go out and spend all your money in order to be truthful.

[00:21:43] How do you feel when you're doing something like that can you recall like what it felt like knowing you were spending just for that reason?

[00:21:51] I mean I think there yeah I think there was a bit of shame I think there was a bit of frustration and I was mad at myself because I could generate lots of money.

[00:21:59] That was the I could generate lots of money but I'd make sure it was gone in five minutes and it was actually I think there was a part where I was a bit angry because I thought why are you doing this?

[00:22:10] You generate a lot of money more than a lot of people make you could be buying a house you could be doing these things but if you have any of those things you have to give them to your mom and give them to your siblings.

[00:22:22] And so there was just a lot of shame in knowing that I was doing something that they're self sabotaging but not knowing quite how to set the boundary.

[00:22:32] Wow that's fascinating to hear because I'm sure there's got to be someone listening that's feeling some sort of situation where they don't feel like they can get out of it.

[00:22:42] How did you feel once you had the conversation was it relief or was it more stress?

[00:22:47] You know it was relief. The one thing that I did discover and maybe this is just me, maybe it's others.

[00:22:55] Once you set a boundary, you actually have to keep maintaining boundaries.

[00:23:00] You actually have to keep affirming that this is my line because people will test you.

[00:23:07] Oh maybe that well just this time maybe just no this is my boundary and so I thought that once I had the conversation I'd never have to have it again.

[00:23:16] What I realized is yeah you're going to have some of these conversations more than once and that's okay too but it was a lot of relief because I knew I was at least being honest.

[00:23:27] And I wasn't because underneath I was harboring resentment.

[00:23:32] Wow yeah what a crazy story that's really eye opening for me to because I've never gone through something like that.

[00:23:40] I think that's where the real power in talking about money comes from.

[00:23:44] I just asked you how do you handle difficult financial conversations and you just like you gave me a bunch of knowledge and information and how to go through something like that.

[00:23:53] So I hope everyone listening is able to say hey if you're going through something challenging, maybe share it with someone and they'll repay you in the form of some story that's going to help your financial outlook.

[00:24:03] That's how we get to the point where like you said when that emotion hits from getting a lot of money or losing a lot of money, you're going to recognize it because you've heard other people's stories.

[00:24:13] That awesome I love that that was awesome thank you for sharing that story that was really really beneficial.

[00:24:19] Yeah absolutely absolutely.

[00:24:21] It had been a great conversation feel free to add if you had anything else on your mind but other than that go ahead you look like you're going to share something.

[00:24:28] So I'll throw this out for people that are trying to figure out their money story.

[00:24:33] The first thing I would do is start to journal and look at my history what did I learn from mom and dad what did they say what did they not say?

[00:24:40] Did I grow up in a church background what's my cultural background or their places what is the media messaging around money that I took in right to just start to get to know yourself.

[00:24:53] And I think the biggest thing for me when you're looking at all this is to be kind to yourself to trust yourself.

[00:25:01] I think early on I didn't know that I was worthy and so if somebody judged me I'm like oh my god this just reaffirms how horrible I am.

[00:25:09] Once I was able to say you know what I'm actually a pretty decent dude and like I do show up and I have a good heart.

[00:25:16] And so even if I don't have everything together financially or even if I can't afford certain things I'm still an okay person just who I am.

[00:25:24] So I think that's really important the self care piece.

[00:25:27] The other thing that I would offer as an exercise for people that really want something.

[00:25:34] I have the what why why what?

[00:25:37] What do I want?

[00:25:38] What why why what?

[00:25:40] What why why what?

[00:25:42] What do I want?

[00:25:44] Why do I want it?

[00:25:47] Why don't I have it?

[00:25:49] What am I willing to do to get it?

[00:25:53] It doesn't matter if it's superficial like I want it because I want to look cool that's okay.

[00:26:01] Know the truth about what something is for you and then you can decide yeah here's what I'm willing to do.

[00:26:08] I'm willing to do this I'm willing to work harder I'm willing to change my belief system.

[00:26:12] And so there's no right or wrong but I think even whether it's with getting fit or buying a house or losing weight or any one of a million things that what why why what?

[00:26:24] Get really clear about what's the driving under needs need and what am I willing to do am I willing to show up to get it?

[00:26:34] Fantastic awesome super great stuff there and I we've had some fantastic guests on and you're definitely one of them Bob.

[00:26:40] Thank you for joining how do people learn more about you?

[00:26:43] I'm sure if there's any interest in the stories you've shared they can reach out with questions or something where can people find you?

[00:26:48] Absolutely they can find me at the money nerve.com the money nerve.com my Instagram handle is money you should ask at money you should ask and feel free to reach out.

[00:27:00] The email is info at the money nerve.com we love to engage with people love to hear people stories and love to support anyway we can.

[00:27:10] Fantastic and you mentioned you wrote a few books is there is there any specific one you'd feel would be valuable for people?

[00:27:16] Yeah I think the book that's really helpful is the money nerve navigating the emotions of money.

[00:27:21] It's a great book for couples and for anybody or with a money buddy because at the end of each chapter there are several calls to action so it gives you an opportunity to explore your emotions explore your fears explore your money story.

[00:27:38] And then there's practical tools in there how to set a goal and make it become a reality instead of just something in the far distance so to me that's a great starter book for people to just learn to start having those money conversations.

[00:27:56] Great thank you so much for coming on the podcast Bob it's been a fantastic conversation and yeah thank you so much.

[00:28:03] I so appreciate it I appreciate the opportunity and yeah again I hope your listeners gain some insight and hopefully their position to change the money story that hasn't been working for them.

[00:28:15] Yeah if they took anything from today's episode I'm sure it's going to be beneficial thank you.

[00:28:20] One of the main things that I think could impact you and that you could take away from today's conversation is starting your money talks with other people make sure you're doing it in a way that is open and non-judgmental like Bob said be curious in your position and don't just come and saying I bet you're buried in credit card that aren't you people are going to naturally get defensive.

[00:28:46] Another thing that could be great is share your struggles and that can tend to get people to open up because if you say yeah I used to really struggle with credit card debt but we don't use credit cards at all now someone might say I've never thought about not using credit cards I've just always had credit card debt what do you mean you got out of credit card debt how did you do that so if you start to open up other people can tend to open up and I hope you're able to take away the importance of these money talks from today's interview.

[00:29:11] Also what would you do in emotional situations with your money you need to make sure you understand and practice a little bit practice makes perfect right so if you maybe walk through in your mind a little bit of those situations that you might find yourself in.

[00:29:24] It's going to make it a whole lot easier when those boundaries get tested and when you come up to the actual point where you have to have that uncomfortable money talk with people run it through your mind like the exercise we talked about of what are you going to do a few in the lottery.

[00:29:35] What would you do if you came into a large sum of money do you just want to get rid of it right away do you need to defend yourself because you're worried about it what do you want to do if you come into a large set of money.

[00:29:45] Make sure you understand your emotional reaction to money and make sure you have those boundaries in place and like Bob said leave the money alone for a little while.

[00:29:53] If you feel intense emotions around your money when something happens leave it alone things will be okay most bills and everything really aren't they are going to shut off your service if you don't pay that exact day.

[00:30:04] So sure you do need to pay your bills but I'm using it as a point to say your life will be just fine if you let something go for about 30 days while you wait to figure out what you want to do with your money.

[00:30:14] Another thing I took away is the importance of talking about money in every relationship whether you're married not married with friends co-workers really everybody in your life was mentioned in some sort of relationship in today's interview and you're going to probably have money talks with all of them.

[00:30:27] I know I've had money talks with my co-workers friends family my wife and it's very important that we know our boundaries.

[00:30:33] We know the ground rules and like we talked about in the interview if you're uncomfortable say it if you're saying wow I'm feeling overwhelmed by this conversation because I've never had to figure out what to do with $10,000

[00:30:44] and it's really stressful for me can we come back to it tomorrow after I have some time to think that can be huge so make sure your confident and practice going into it.

[00:30:52] If you know it's going to be a stressful conversation maybe stand in the mirror and talk to yourself a little bit and say I don't want to decide all of this right now can we maybe have a little bit of initial brainstorming and come back to it in three days

[00:31:04] and just practice that so that you're prepared because money is always going to come up in every relationship whether you want it to or not.

[00:31:10] And then the last main thing that I took away from today's episode is understanding your personal journey with money.

[00:31:15] I love the idea of journaling your money thoughts journaling your money interactions did you find $20 how did it make you feel.

[00:31:22] I also really liked Bob's what why why what which stood for what do I want why do I want it why don't I have it and what am I willing to do to get it.

[00:31:31] I think that's something that can really stand out and offer a good initial perspective to figure out your problem and what you're going through so make sure you understand your story

[00:31:40] so you know where you're coming from like we talked about with Bob there's some great insight that he shared in his conversations he had to have with his mom and what he learned through that that helps him know where he came from with money.

[00:31:50] So once you begin to understand where you're at with money your progress is going to get a whole lot faster and a whole lot easier once you get that initial understanding and groundwork underneath you.

[00:31:59] Let's talk about the money talking points next.

[00:32:11] The first money talking point is how can you start a simple and pressure free conversation about money seeking input and ideas from others.

[00:32:17] Well tell people your nervous just say I'm feeling nervous about this money talk because it's a lot of money or I'm feeling nervous about this money talk because I feel like I'm losing a little bit of control with our money.

[00:32:28] Say something just put it out there just keep it simple and put it out there and ask questions don't assume what other people are thinking don't assume their financial situation don't assume how they feel about the situation.

[00:32:40] Just keep asking questions and dig a little deeper and you're going to have a whole lot easier time having pressure free money talks the second money talking point is have you considered exploring the emotional side of your financial decisions such as understanding how money makes you feel or the motivations behind your purchases.

[00:32:55] How do you feel if you came into a large sum of money what amount of money would you start to feel uncomfortable and who would you talk to about money so again the hypotheticals always the lottery but let's maybe lower it down a little bit.

[00:33:06] Let's say $10,000 if you came into it does that do you feel that or you used to those amounts of money because some people are and that wouldn't make them think twice they know what to do with $10,000 okay 25,000 I think that's probably a point where everyone's like whoa that's a good chunk unless you're very rich in in that case please send me an email and I'd love to have you on my podcast to talk about money because that would be a fun conversation but what point do you start to feel a little uneasy about the money coming into your life recognize that and then even the next time you make a large purchase right it down.

[00:33:36] And then you can take a video of yourself saying that felt uncomfortable we spent $800 on a TV and it felt uncomfortable so just make sure you're aware of it can be really helpful especially when the emotions really hit when you know how you're going to react when it comes to financial decisions.

[00:33:50] The third money talking point is whether married or not are you prepared to discuss money openly set boundaries and consider having a money buddy for support and financial matters just think about those key points I love the idea of a money buddy

[00:34:02] I'm so glad it got brought up on my podcast with a previous guest Johnny Bowen so make sure and go check out that episode because it was a good one who can be your money buddy.

[00:34:09] I'm happy to be if you want someone to chat about with money please send me an email I love to talk about money work through problems work through budget issues things like that super fun.

[00:34:18] So please shoot me an email if you need a money buddy but my friends and I have awesome open money talks where we'll say hey I'm thinking about doing this with my IRA are rolling over this are doing this and that in the other.

[00:34:28] And then we just bounce ideas off each other and an open and curious non judgemental environment so it can be really fun especially even if you're married I think it's important to have someone to talk about money with because

[00:34:39] You know your spouse and you know how you both handle money but even bouncing those ideas off of a co worker and saying hey here's what my spouse and I are thinking about doing with our money what are your thoughts and maybe they chime in with a complete

[00:34:51] third perspective you didn't even consider that's way better so it's just great to be talking about money with other people because then we learn from each other and we all do better when we're talking about money.

[00:35:01] Let's wrap up today's episode next.

[00:35:12] Thank you so much to Bob Wheeler for coming on my podcast and sharing his great insights and that great story about how he got better with money throughout his life.

[00:35:19] I hope you were able to take something away from today's episode and learned a little bit about how to handle and talk about money.

[00:35:25] Just remember if you come into the large some of money sit on it for a while consider what you want to do and think about the emotions that you're feeling.

[00:35:32] Make sure you're aware of those emotions because it can make a big deal in your decision making because they're going to come whether you're ready or not so make sure you're

[00:35:39] a little bit more prepared to handle in each time be sure to check out Bob Wheeler's information in the show notes but also head over to YouTube to watch the video version of our

[00:35:47] podcast interview and extra content that I'm creating around each episode because those videos are turning out great and it's fun to take a deeper dive into some

[00:35:54] topic that comes from each of our interviews so be sure to subscribe both on YouTube and whatever podcast player you're listening on so you don't miss any future

[00:36:01] episodes because I have some great ones coming up but thank you for listening to Money Talk with Skyler Fleming.

[00:36:06] I'm your host Skyler Fleming have a great week.

[00:36:08] Thank you for listening to Money Talk with Skyler Fleming.

[00:36:11] This show is provided for informational and entertainment purposes and may not be specific to your unique situation.

[00:36:17] Please be sure to do additional research before making any financial decisions.